For the first time, as a journalist, I will be attending CES, starting tomorrow. What a blast it’s going to be, can’t wait. My good buddy Steve Silver (of www.stevesilver.net) is already there, and reports good things, including seeing Darth Vader himself walking around announcing the release of Star Wars on Blu-Ray. I am hoping sincerely that Mr. Lucas will finally fix the “Greedo shooting first” thing, he’s monkeyed with it so long, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t at least consider it. I have no use for the prequels, still love the original trilogy, can’t wait to get it.
So what is the SNG (me) doing there? Isn’t this a show about dating, relationships, love, and all that jazz?
Well, a couple of things…
First of all, this is me, five years ago, at the AVN’s. I am not attending this year; once was enough.
Yes, the Internet is for porn, PORN PORN, thank you Trekkie-Monster. But my major confession is, unlike most guys, Porn really doesn’t do it for me. Indeed, I have a CD-ROM with “Productivity Software” in my CD case, but I never look at it. Seriously. Just as women are issued, along with their breasts, emotional roller-coasters and the Season DVD’s for “Grey’s Anatomy” when they are born, there are a few women out there, I’m quite certain, that have no interest in McDreamy or McSteamy or whatever bullshit they call television these days.
Likewise, porn does nothing for me really. For once, I agree with the feminists; it’s not sexy, and can be quite demeaning to women. This coming from the dude who just wrote an article about breasts, you might want to take what I’m saying here with more than a grain of salt.
I have never encountered a woman who wanted a money shot to the face. I simply cannot imagine that, nor could I imagine ever dating or marrying a woman who wanted me to do that. The producers of porn know their audience, and so do I; my buddies and I once stumbled into that Porn Convention in Vegas a few years back. It was fucking disgusting. A lot of sleazeballs and truck drivers, who bang hookers and don’t even know how to string together the words, “I love your work,” to Misty Canyon or Chastity Jones or whatever chick with daddy issues and fake tits is signing her new DVD of “Anal Pleasure Injuries 7; Revenge of the Anus.” The fans just drool and stroke their penises as well as their goatees. My friends and I lasted an hour, and got the hell out of there.
Man I miss that place.
So no, I’m not into Porn, but with the advent of 3D, will seeing people bang in three dimensions be a game changer? Perhaps, and not just for the world at large, but for me. I’ll have to try it once, I suppose, once I get my 3D TV (my PS3 just uploaded the firmware for 3D, all I need is the new display).
It was interesting, reading this article from last year’s CES, how the Porn industry is being cautious. I’m surprised. Having seen Kelly Brook naked in “Piranha 3D”, that was but a sneak preview of the possibilities (and how, my review of the underwater swimming scene, two boners up).
But since men who enjoy porn at home tend to, uh, molest themselves, while watching porn, I wonder what the glasses and the possible headaches will do in the way of the “releases” that happen while ah fuck it Masturbating to porn. Again, I don’t do that, but I’m the minority here.
In the past, Porn tends to be the game changer with new technologies. It sank Beta when they refused to support Porn, and VHS won that battle. Ditto Blu-Ray (if I’m not mistaken). These sleezeballs know they have a billion dollar loyal industry, so accusations of exploitation aside, there is money to be made. As long as the tech goes along, I cannot imagine why porn would not dive vagina first into this new world of three-dimensional boobies and cock. Why not?
If the SNG would consider giving it a try, they must be on to something.
Check out this video, an Avatar Porn parody, it made me laugh. Thank you Gizmodo.
Second, this convention itself. I am there to drum up business and listeners, but also listen and learn. There are so many opportunities to meet nerds, uh, fellow nerds, learn about online marketing, meet booth babes, check out the latest 3D technology, meet booth babes, attend seminars with the creators of Lost, check out booth ah fuck it the BOOTH BABES. The way this works is that you walk the floor, you see some hottie with some gadget in your hand, and she pulls you in and before you know it you are talking with some dorky bald guy. Let’s face it; hot chicks get stuff done. Including getting me interesting in some hand-held device that will be gone in a year. Or less. I just like the idea of having eye candy AND nerd candy.
Finally, I love Vegas. I really do. I did a show a few weeks back with Mr. Silver on how much I love this town. I can’t believe I almost left Southern California. I highly doubt I would ever want to live there, but I sure do love to visit. The place is a riot. My favorite game, as of late, is to play “spot the hooker” when entering a casino they are truly EVERYWHERE. I am going to Vegas again next month with the lovely young lady I am currently dating, and her two cousins. Who are a bit younger than both of us, and I realize it is my duty to protect them. They may be over 21, but they have never been to Vegas.