Category Archives: SNG

#422: Everything is My Fault…I Hope.

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Tonight, I explore the ideas behind Jocko Willink & Leif Babin’s book, “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALS Lead and Win,” and how it relates to your personal, professional and most of all, romantic life.

Check out Jocko’s podcast here and you can buy his book on Amazon.

Thanks for listening.

JER

#421: 41 Years Later….

Good evening, everybody!

On this, the celebration of my birth 41 years ago, I wish to say the following, the intent of my show for the past 9 years and change:

Help others. Volunteer. Hold a door. Buy a drink for someone anonymously. Give in a loved one’s name. Show kindness (do not be a bully, do not allow someone to bully you).
Listen to someone with compassion and kindness.

Spread the love. Attack hate with love. Forgive those who trespass against you, and most of all, forgive yourself.

You are not who you were yesterday. You don’t have to be better than anyone else. You just have to try to be better than you were yesterday (thank you, Harry Hart).

Much love
Jordan

PS: Check out the Patreon Page!!!

PPS: Learn a bittersweet lesson of love and life here:

#420: Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade and I Have No Idea What I’m Talking About

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As someone who has never suffered from depression, I offer a few words of advice to those of us who believe that suicide is a selfish act. Thank you for listening.

National Suicide Hotline 1 800 273 8255

Patton Oswalt, David Feherty and Bob Forrest are three public figures who know exactly what they’re talking about. They know, I don’t. Check them out.

JER

#419: Parental Anxiety

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Good evening and welcome back! Tonight, I wax poetic and use the force to discuss:

  • Why is everyone so sensitive these days?
  • “Hot teachers” and the boys they, “have sex with.”
  • My parental anxieties that I (mostly) have under control
  • Chloe Tumor News
  • And more!

Thanks for listening,

SNG

#418: Pay it Forward and Thank Someone Who Dumps You

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Hello! Welcome back! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Why Pay it Forward is something we should all do more often
  • Daryl Davis is an American hero
  • How I recently screwed up as a Dad
  • Why you should thank every single person who dumped you
  • and more!!!

Thanks for listening! email me! sensitiveniceguy@gmail.com

SNG

 

 

#417: How Badly Do You Want It?

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And I’m back! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • “How Badly Do I Want It?” is a good thing to ask yourself if you are either going for a life prize, or putting up with a toxic relationship
  • A story from my awkward years before I found any sense of confidence
  • Why we should leave DJ Khaled alone already
  • And more!

Thanks for listening

JER

 

#416: Dunkirk, Utah Beach, USS Maine, and no this is not a History podcast

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Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Knowing when to treat, when to fight, and when to accept surrender in life.
  • My patreon page, and how I’m telling you all about it now in order to motivate me to get it up and running.
  • A nice parental upgrade I gave myself recently with Jack
  • A story about Tom Petty that I liked so much
  • A terrible friend zone story has made the rounds and I have some thoughts

And more!

Thanks for listening.

#415: Sex Cults and Pain

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Good evening! As I get over this year’s cold (hurray! No flu!) I blow hard and shoot the breeze regarding:

  • How no one joins a cult unless they are in pain
  • The (possible) dual personality of Dr. Huxtable
  • Why I, “Reverse-troll.”
  • Hurray! I made it to 100 days of meditation! If I can do it, so can you
  • Why I did the leap, and you should too.

And more! Thanks for listening

JER

#414: Normal Does Not Equal Right

 

Here is a picture of a California sunset for no reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight, I shoot the breeze about:

  • Just because something is normal, that doesn’t mean it’s right. This one really grinds my gears
  • My terror of the fallout of the social media generation and the narcissism that social media enables
  • Thoughts on Monterey Bay and the beauty of the, “laid-back,” personality.
  • How taking a leap is good for the soul
  • And more!

Thanks for listening.

 

#413: How You React is Your Choice

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Good evening! The show is on time! Hurrah!!!!

Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • How choosing to see life as a series of choices (you read that correctly) makes you a happier person
  • The times I reacted properly, and not so properly, in the past
  • How Jack is teaching me to be a Dad just as I am teaching him how to be a man
  • A review of the Black Mirror episode, “San Junipero,” and a MAJOR problem I had with it (this article, though wonderful, doesn’t address the problem).
  • And oh so much more

Enjoy! Thanks for listening.

Go For it

First, the story of Pinocchio, from wikipedia:

Jiminy Cricket explains that he is going to tell a story of a wish coming true. His story begins in the workshop of a woodworker named Geppetto. Jiminy watches as Geppetto finishes work on a wooden marionette whom he names Pinocchio. Before falling asleep, Geppetto makes a wish on a star that Pinocchio be a real boy. During the night, a Blue Fairy visits the workshop and brings Pinocchio to life, although he still remains a puppet. She informs him that if he proves himself brave, truthful, and unselfish, he will become a real boy, and assigns Jiminy to be his conscience.

Well, no turning back now.

A couple of things:

1) This is the incredible Valentina Lisitsa playing my favorite piece of classic music ever, Franz Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2. I saw, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit, when I was 11 and was smitten with that dueling piano scene. And I hate dueling pianos.

2) Seriously. I hate dueling pianos. “SUH—WEET Car-OH-LIN….” shut it.

2.5) Just kidding, folks. Nothing but love to the wonderful musicians who entertain the masses every weekend. And much love to Neil Diamond too.

3) About 2 years ago, I decided to teach myself this piece. I made it up to the fun, “Roger Rabbit” section…and got lazy. My Dad died, writing picked up, had a baby…. I have no one to blame but myself.

4) Speaking of Jack, with everything I do, I am setting an example for him. And one big example that I must teach him is that when you start something, you finish it. Period. You do not give up when it gets hard. You don’t walk away from your commitments. You make changes, adjust, but most of all, you never give up.

5) So. Back at it. 20 minutes a day, every day, usually when my son is chilling out waiting for his evening meal. I have already found spots that I will need help with, and after I get through the entire piece on my own, I will hire a piano teacher to help me smooth out the cracks. Another lesson; seek help, seek mentors, for there is no shame in asking for help because it is in your best interests and shows humility.

6) Will I earn the right to have that dude from, “Whiplash,” tell me, “Good job!”?

Maybe. Maybe.

And back to Pinocchio: Wish upon a star for your dreams. Then you have to do the work to get there. You will fail. A lot. But you keep going. Keep going.

Keep going.

I will never play as well as Ms. Lisitsa. But I don’t have to.

I just have to try.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

JER

#412: Wish Upon A Star

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Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Awesome parents equals awesome kids!
  • I’m back to piano, and I WILL play this piece someday!
  • My wife got me a new hat. She’s awesome.
  • Getting over breakups doesn’t have to be so hard
  • Quick reviews of Black Mirrors, “Shut up and Dance,” and, “Playtest.”
  • What Pinocchio teaches us about going for our dreams
  • and more!

#411: Toxic People and Envy, the enemy within

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We’re back! (sorry for the lateness…got a kid…he’s so awesome). Anyway! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • The guy in England about to go to prison for making a joke. Seriously.
  • Updates on Chloe (the tumor hasn’t grown) and my meditation (70+ days in a row and counting!)
  • How to deal with Toxic People; cut them out of your life like the tumors that they are.
  • Once again, Envy is a signpost, not a destination
  • How Time Travel fantasies to fix the past are a fool’s errand.
  • And more!

Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.

#410: Parenting Tips and Confronting Bullies

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Good evening! Tonight, I ramble about:

  • How I recently screwed up as a Dad. It’s hard. Even when you have an easy baby like I do.
  • Black Mirror’s, “Nosedive,” and how that show actually gave me a little hope for a change!
  • Ask for what you really want in a dating profile; it worked for me
  • Thoughts on a man confronting his bully…35 years later.
  • The right way and wrong way to deal with life’s problems

And oh so much more. Thanks for listening!

Forgiveness Isn’t for them, It’s for you

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The other day, I discussed with a friend the concept of forgiveness, more specifically, “How do I forgive someone who isn’t sorry?”

Lemme back up.

We all have a backstory, the prologue to our present and future. You have gone through life with some bumps in the road, and perhaps even some major roadblocks. You got bullied. You got abandoned. You were insulted. You were cheated on. You were assaulted. Or worse.

Whatever it is, you are still here. But your heart has scars. You are fighting a battle that no one knows about but you. The more you share, the better off we all will be, especially you.

And the more you forgive people, those scars stop hurting so much.

I know why I want to forgive people. Because I still have those scars. The more I forgive, the less the scars hurt.

With this in mind, I was reminded of Teressa Strasser discussing her deceased step-mother. This woman was, in Teressa’s words, a, “step-monster.” Many of us are children of divorce, which is a scar on the heart that never truly heals, but some of us are lucky enough to have awesome step-parents.

Ms. Strasser was not so lucky. This woman was a terrible human being who pulled a, “Divide and Conquer,” strategy between Teressa’s father and his daughter. It was successful:

I hadn’t seen her since I was 17, the day I vowed I’d never see her again – dead or alive. That was the day she hid a piece of her jewelry, a brooch shaped like a bumblebee, and tracked me down at a crowded Santa Rosa public tennis court to accuse me of stealing it while my brother and father looked on.

And then, many years later, Queen Step-Monster died. “Now what???” Teressa wondered. How do I forgive someone who isn’t sorry, but even if they could apologize, wouldn’t?

All of the rabbis I spoke with said the same thing. We don’t have to forgive, but for our own good, we should try.”

And, when she asked a Rabbi friend of hers:

“But what about that temptation I feel to do a happy dance instead of mourn? That can’t be appropriate.

“Mourn the relationship that should have been,” said Rabbi Ed Feinstein of Valley Beth Shalom. “Sit down with a glass of wine and ask yourself, how nice would it have been if she had been supportive, protective, fun to be with?”

Where I think Teressa is going here, and her rabbi’s advice is as well, is that forgiving someone is not for the villain in your life, it’s for you. So that you don’t walk around with that pain in your heart. So that you don’t suffer any more by allowing this monster to live in your head, rent free, torturing you every day.

Damn gremlin. But doesn’t this mean that if you forgive someone, they will keep on hurting you?

I ran this past my therapist, who asked me if I had seen the film, “Cinderella.” I had, but it had been a while.

It’s towards the end. Cinderalla is free of her wicked step-mother (how about that?) and her evil step-sisters. She’s got her shoes and she’s got her prince. And the step-sisters show up and apologize. “We’re so sorry for the way we treated you!!! Forgive us!!”

“Okay,” Cinderalla replies, “I forgive you.” She means it.

“Great,” the step-sisters reply, “Now we can be family again!”

“Nope.”

Cinderalla shuts the door on them. She knows better. She knows that even if they are actually remorseful, truly toxic people won’t ever change. That’s a cold part of reality that we all must accept. People can be sorry for their sin while they keep sinning. And many folks can’t ever stop. This is where boundaries come in. The line in the sand. This far, no further.

Forgive them but never forget who they are.

So, if you run into the person (1 out of a million) you be the adult. You don’t stick yourself in the mud with them.

In the meantime, you meditate every day for 20 minutes, you learn self-defense, you eat healthy and spread the love.

And most of all, you forgive everyone who has ever crossed you.

It’s not for them, it’s for you.

#409: Black Mirror’s, “White Christmas,” and Social Media’s Future Dystopia

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We’re back! Tonight, I spend most of the show going through the excellent Black Mirror special, “White Christmas,” and all that it entails, such as:

  • Our terrible collective addiction to social media
  • How jealousy is your gremlin leading you down a terrible path
  • How Artificial intelligence will either help us or hurt us; it’s our choice
  • The main character in the episode, if only wasn’t a sociopath, could have helped people instead of hurting them
  • And so much more.

Thank you for listening. Let’s keep this going!

PS: Here is a very interesting take on the episode:

#408: Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Prepare for the Future

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Welcome back! Tonight, my best friend from high school Dan joins me in the SNG Fortress as we discuss:

  • Thoughts on, “T2: Trainspotting,” and how far we’ve come in the 22 years since graduating high school
  • Being Dads to sons and what it means to be a man in the 21st century
  • The understandable desire to travel back in time and do things all over again
  • How happiness every day depends on your attitude
  • And more…so much more

Enjoy!

#407: What Would Ip Man Do?

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Welcome back! Tonight, I go through the excellent, “Ip Man,” and draw the following conclusions from this wonderful man and character:

  • Stay Humble in success
  • Let Others save face
  • Fellas, Respect your wives
  • Take Nothing for Granted
  • Control your emotions, don’t let them control you
  • Learn how to Defend yourself
  • Have Empathy for your Enemy
  • Fight with all of your might against Tyranny

“Ip Man,” is available to stream on Netflix. Enjoy!

Dealing with Anger the Rick Carson Way

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Simply notice.

That I am learning this lesson not only from meditation and therapy, but from Rick Carson’s wonderful book, “Taming Your Gremlin,” is a blessing; the more people take this attitude, in my opinion, the better off we’ll all be.

With that in mind, I decided to actually do the work instead of skipping through it, as I have done with many other books (not all, of course, like the War of Art). Rick asks the reader to do a thought experiment with ANGER. He notes:

“Acknowledging  your beliefs and/or habits does not require one to be cautious. Doing so does not mean that you need to change anything. Of course, your gremlin will have you judge your responses. Instead, simply notice and relax.

Here are my results (questions in bold):

1. I imagine that those who know me well would say that when I am angry I yell, boil up with rage. Throw imaginary punches. Say the wrong thing. Say or do something I will regret later.

2. When I’m angry with someone I know well, I tend to either bottle it up, or yell.

3. When I’m angry with someone I don’t know well, I tend to bottle it up.

4. If I suspect someone is angry with me, I feel…it depends. Scared, amused. But most of the time, guilty and I tend to…it depends. If I’m scared, back off, if I’m amused, mock, and the times I’m guilty, try to make amends.

5. A recent time I felt angry at another person was when a drunk idiot hit on my wife, right in front of me, ‘If you weren’t married, I’d try to hook up with you.’

6. At that time, I chose to say nothing. I let it go. I didn’t escalate. “He was drunk,” was my excuse not to break this shithead’s jaw.

7. As I remember that experience now, I notice that I am angry at myself for not standing up for my wife, even though she and another female friend told me that I did the right thing.

8. If I had allowed my anger to be reflected in my voice and my words in a manner that was absolutely uncensored, I imagine that I would have put my finger in his face and threatened to beat the shit out of him. However, that is my monkey brain talking, and I would regret it. Instead, ideally, I would downshift that into the action of getting in between him and my wife and say, gently but firmly, “Alright, buddy, That’s enough.” There was a bouncer nearby (that I was actually friendly with; poor guy spent most of his shift stopping people from having sex in the hot tub(s), and the last thing I would want to do is give him another headache.

9. Then I think I would have felt like I stood up for my wife and myself without going neither alpha nor beta. Gamma. While it is a fact that my wife is an independent woman, can take care of herself and will always tell me if I need to step in, it still infuriated me. Not at the drunk moron, but at myself.

As for 10 and 11, my parents were wonderful people, and aren’t here to defend themselves. They were loving, devoted, and just as human as the rest of us. Hence, to that last point, I’ll leave it be. No parents are perfect, and I am certainly not nor will I be with Jack. They did the best they could, and they were the best I could hope for.

#406: You Are Not Your Past…Seriously

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Good evening! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Why the yoga folks are right about living in the moment
  • Annual Valentine’s Day advice
  • How Rocky Balboa has some good advice about attacking your gremlin
  • Controlling your emotions by taming your gremlin
  • Some encouraging news about my cat’s cancer
  • And more!

Enjoy!