Tag Archives: dating advice

#439: Never Lie to the Home Team

Tonight, I ramble on and wax poetic about:
  • the more honest you are with yourself the happier you’ll be become
  • How I screwed up this weekend at my college homecoming
  • Thoughts about being a Dad in 2018
  • and more!

#434: Chaos Cannot Make Sense

You cannot control everything

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight, I try to make sense of life’s chaos, fail, but discover that it’s okay. Enjoy.

NOTE: Check out my Patreon Page.

#429: The Greater Good: Be Sorry with No Regrets

F–king Delicious

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight, I wax poetic about what the greater good could mean, some thoughts on procrastination as well a time I turned down an opportunity to get drunk with a sports hero of mine. Enjoy!

#428: The Gamma Way and I Screwed Up

We’re back! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • How I let my emotions get the best of me at a hardware store recently
  • The Gamma Way of Life (With this definition: Alphas are predators, Betas are prey, while Gammas refuse to be either one)
  • Moments in which I was bullied, but also moment where I was the bully. I regret both.
  • Update on Chloe (still here)
  • And oh SO much more

Thanks for listening.

JER

#418: Pay it Forward and Thank Someone Who Dumps You

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Hello! Welcome back! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Why Pay it Forward is something we should all do more often
  • Daryl Davis is an American hero
  • How I recently screwed up as a Dad
  • Why you should thank every single person who dumped you
  • and more!!!

Thanks for listening! email me! sensitiveniceguy@gmail.com

SNG

 

 

#417: How Badly Do You Want It?

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And I’m back! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • “How Badly Do I Want It?” is a good thing to ask yourself if you are either going for a life prize, or putting up with a toxic relationship
  • A story from my awkward years before I found any sense of confidence
  • Why we should leave DJ Khaled alone already
  • And more!

Thanks for listening

JER

 

#416: Dunkirk, Utah Beach, USS Maine, and no this is not a History podcast

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Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Knowing when to treat, when to fight, and when to accept surrender in life.
  • My patreon page, and how I’m telling you all about it now in order to motivate me to get it up and running.
  • A nice parental upgrade I gave myself recently with Jack
  • A story about Tom Petty that I liked so much
  • A terrible friend zone story has made the rounds and I have some thoughts

And more!

Thanks for listening.

#411: Toxic People and Envy, the enemy within

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We’re back! (sorry for the lateness…got a kid…he’s so awesome). Anyway! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • The guy in England about to go to prison for making a joke. Seriously.
  • Updates on Chloe (the tumor hasn’t grown) and my meditation (70+ days in a row and counting!)
  • How to deal with Toxic People; cut them out of your life like the tumors that they are.
  • Once again, Envy is a signpost, not a destination
  • How Time Travel fantasies to fix the past are a fool’s errand.
  • And more!

Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.

#409: Black Mirror’s, “White Christmas,” and Social Media’s Future Dystopia

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We’re back! Tonight, I spend most of the show going through the excellent Black Mirror special, “White Christmas,” and all that it entails, such as:

  • Our terrible collective addiction to social media
  • How jealousy is your gremlin leading you down a terrible path
  • How Artificial intelligence will either help us or hurt us; it’s our choice
  • The main character in the episode, if only wasn’t a sociopath, could have helped people instead of hurting them
  • And so much more.

Thank you for listening. Let’s keep this going!

PS: Here is a very interesting take on the episode:

#408: Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Prepare for the Future

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Welcome back! Tonight, my best friend from high school Dan joins me in the SNG Fortress as we discuss:

  • Thoughts on, “T2: Trainspotting,” and how far we’ve come in the 22 years since graduating high school
  • Being Dads to sons and what it means to be a man in the 21st century
  • The understandable desire to travel back in time and do things all over again
  • How happiness every day depends on your attitude
  • And more…so much more

Enjoy!

#406: You Are Not Your Past…Seriously

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Good evening! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Why the yoga folks are right about living in the moment
  • Annual Valentine’s Day advice
  • How Rocky Balboa has some good advice about attacking your gremlin
  • Controlling your emotions by taming your gremlin
  • Some encouraging news about my cat’s cancer
  • And more!

Enjoy!

#404: Meditation isn’t just for Hippies

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Good evening! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • The joys of meditation and calming the heck down
  • Why struggle and setting goals is great for relationships and career as long as you detach from the outcome
  • Why finding someone to root for who is more successful than you is important
  • Don’t send dick picks, guys. Just don’t. Do that, you’re a loser.
  • Seriously. Don’t.

Enjoy!

#402: Living in the Moment isn’t just for Damn Dirty Hippies

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Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • How identifying your gremlin is priority #1
  • Andy Whitfield was right; be here now
  • How regret isn’t always a waste of time
  • I admit some emotional failures from my past
  • Some habits of happy people

Enjoy!

#401: Questions to Help Us Grow

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First one of the new year and live from Almaza on Venice, I wax poetic about:

  • I re-examine the questions from the picture above, answer them cold, then listen to my answers from a year ago. It was a fascinating experiment
  • Why my son shouldn’t take advice from certain female friends of his
  • Why I won’t mock Amy Winehouse’s father for thinking his daughter is a ghost

I also answer the following questions:

  1. In one sentence, who are you?
  2. In one word, what do you live for?
  3. What is worth the pain
  4. What will you never give up on?
  5. What do you always try to avoid?
  6. What’s something you take for granted every day?
  7. What do you need most right now?
  8. What would you immediately do differently if you knew that no one would judge you
  9. What’s something nobody could ever steal from you?
  10. What would you like to forgive right now
  11. Happiness is not….
  12. What impact do you want to leave on the people you love?
  13. Life is too short to tolerate…
  14. What’s something that use to scare you, but no longer does?
  15. What do you want to remember forever?
  16. What do you always look forward to?
  17. What recently reminded you of how fast time flies?
  18. What’s something everyond should be able to say before they die

Enjoy!

#400: What I’ve Learned So Far

My son is barely 4 weeks old and even he gets it.
My son is barely 4 weeks old and even he gets it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight, I discuss what I’ve learned doing 400 episodes of the SNG SHOW…can you believe it? I can’t.

In no particular order…

  1. Always be a Mixed Mental Artist.
  2. Understand that every day is a gift
  3. When you put something online, why are you doing it?
  4. Dating is a rollercoaster; enjoy the ride
  5. Follow the SNG rules for long-term happiness
  6. Thing aren’t going to happen to you; make things happen
  7. Things will happen to you; play your cards right
  8. Every bad thing is a learning experience if you decide to make it so
  9. Learn when to stand up for yourself, and when is always
  10. Use Active Thinking and Observe your Gremlin
  11. Write down your, “Best You.”
  12. Write down your major life goals…and start walking
  13. If you’re bored, you’re doing it wrong
  14. Everyone is listening. Act accordingly
  15. The Worst People you will meet in life can be your best teachers if you let them
  16. Admit your faults. Out loud. Observe. Again, the Gremlin
  17. Some days are just gonna suck. Tomorrow will be better
  18. Be grateful, always

The Top 5 things to look for in a Long Term Relationship

Me and my Wookie. No reasons. Everyone likes the dog.
Me and my Wookie. No reasons. Everyone likes the dog.

NOTE: I’m knee-deep in baby love…and poop…and I couldn’t be happier. I earned the right to get peed on by my 15-day-old son by never settling, rather, I stumbled upon these 5 rules when I stumbled upon the love of my life. 

NOTE: Thick into the weeds, things get gender-specific, but the big 5 bullet points are universal. Enjoy! -JER

For the past year or so on the show, I’ve repeated something over, and over…and over…and maybe I should put it in writing.

The Top 5 things to look for in a Long-Term Relationship

The short version is:

5) Physical attraction

4) Things in Common/Values in Common & No Deal Breakers

3) They’re Smart

2) They’re Kind

1) They’re Sane

5) Physical Attraction

As men and women go, this varies a bit; men tend to, “fall in love,” with their eyes, while women tend to do so with their ears. That said, it doesn’t matter that the value of looks follows the law of finishing returns. And it also doesn’t matter that this one goes without saying.

4) Things in Common/Values in Common & No Deal Breakers

Hear me loud and clear:

If you have a deep-seeded belief and your love interest does not, or has the opposite belief, walk away.

There is no getting around this, and many divorces could have been avoided if people followed this rule (as well as the other ones!). Other articles will get into why a desperation-mind set is a recipe for disaster, why you cannot tell if you love someone for at least six months, and many other picadillos that drive me up the wall (because I did them myself back when I didn’t know any better). But for now, this rule is an attempt to quantify the unquantifable, to put words to that special, “thing,” that made you decide not to call that guy back after two decent dates.

Things in Common

Yes, fellas, she has huge boobs, red lips and you visit Valhalla every time you make sweet love down by the fire. But your conversations just..go..nowhere. She talks about her stupid friend Becky and how she can’t stand her. Read this over and over, fellas; you will get bored of sleeping with her. AGAIN. You will get bored having sex with her.

So many dumbass bros are so happy to have a hottie on their arm that they put a ring on it.

Ladies, you aren’t immune to this either. You got the high school quarterback, and…

No amount of monkey business from barely-employed losers at your high school reunion are going to change the fact that you married the wrong person because you thought you knew him, and you didn’t. You will not run out of things to talk about as long as your values stay the same and your relationship has a solid foundation of friendship. If you don’t have both of those, use birth control. Please.

My wife and I love Disneyland, love most of the same television shows (but not all), love Las Vegas, wine country and golf. We love old-timey jazz and get giddy about the new Star Wars movie every year in equal amounts of enthusiasm. We get equal joy out of staying in and cooking and the occasional quiet night out. We adore our dog, love each other’s friends (mostly), and most of all, gain the greatest pleasure holding our newborn son.

Let’s talk age; although my wife is 7 years younger than me, we are both on the same page of life, and that one is crucial too. People who think age is a state off mind as a reason to date someone three times their age in order to exercise the Parental-Abandonment demons are hopelessly misguided, and they miss the point; it’s not so much age, but what age tends to correlate with (but not cause) is station in life. You want the same things at the same time.

Settle for nothing else. Never settle. Pilgrims settle. You’re not a pilgrim.

Values In Common/No Deal Breakers

If you are a religious Christian, stay off of J-Date. If you are an pro-life activist, you aren’t going to talk a left-wing feminist into seeing things your way over martinis. If you think the Earth is 6,000 years old, stick to someone who shares your sincere beliefs that the Grand Canyon was formed by Noah’s flood.

While we’re at it, if you’re dating online (and if you aren’t, guess what? YOU’RE THE FREAK NOW!) put your values and deal-breakers up front. Don’t swipe right if you hate guns and the dude has a hunting rifle in his hands (though, if his finger is on the trigger, swipe right, message him, “FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER,” then delete him).

You are not James Carville and Mary Matalin, and besides, they are the exception to the rule that proves it (they are both Catholic, they have that in common, plus they love to argue. Do you? Really?). Everyone thinks that they are the exception to the rule. You must operate under the the (correct) notion that you are not special. You will not win the lottery. The house always wins in Vegas; they don’t build those giant (awesome) monstrosities on the strip because they might win. The same principle applies. Reality on realities terms.

My wife and I are both non-religious and share similar and comparable political thought. We follow the golden rule and treat each other as we would want the other to treat us. Her dreams of life and mine are compatible, but they are not always the same; I strive to be a writer, voice-over actor and podcast host; she wants to start a business and someday raise horses. We both want to build a house that we will some day die in. We disagree on some matter of divorce law and culture, but respect each other, agree to disagree where we must, and change the conversation.

3) They’re Smart

Perhaps a better way of putting this is that they share your level of intelligence. I have dated dumb girls, and I have dated high-IQ brainiacs. Neither of them worked. The former meant I had nothing in common with them except for bedroom antics, and the latter? Well, full disclosure; I’m rolling the dice that my wife is smarter than I am. Not only am I okay with that, I love it, as a matter of fact. But fellas, you will not have a long-term happy relationship if she’s a do-do-head. I don’t care if she looks like Angelina Jolie. And ladies, he may look like Brad Pitt, but…stop it you will get bored. Even the two of them got bored with each other eventually. You do not want to breed with a dummy. You won’t be happy, and Mike Judge’s, “Idiocracy,” will happen:

2) They’re Kind

You know what sucks, fellas? Having the woman you married and once loved call you a, “f—king loser,” even though all you wanted to do was spend some time with your best friend Dave who you haven’t seen in over a year because your witch of a wife demands all of your time and either doesn’t give a damn about your feelings, or worse, can’t.

You know what also sucks, ladies? When that silverback gorilla that you couldn’t resist 3 year years ago is beating the ever-loving-crap out of out of you while cheating on you and you just sink further and further into denial and escalation of commitment (I can’t quit now, I have so much invested!).

Ladies, Gentlemen, it’s not men vs women. It’s all of us decent human beings against the abusers, physical and otherwise.

I have dated some truly horrible human beings and all I can tell you is that they make me grateful to be married to the SNGal and even more grateful that I didn’t knock any of them up. Sweet beautiful Jesus, thank God for birth control.

Kindness means that they will stand up for themselves and not take any of your crap when you screw up, but show compassion and love when you are emotionally vulnerable.

They don’t hit you, and for the love of god, their default setting in conflict isn’t to f—king yell at you. There’s no violence, and yelling, if at all, is a rare occurrence. If yelling occurs, there are consequences; you teach people how to treat you and you must always teach people how not to treat you as well.

1) They’re Sane

Finally, the most important quality in a human being that towers above all the others: Sanity.

My wife will march into a room and say, “Jordan, I need praise for all the housework I did today.” She says this calmly and gently. She doesn’t do the following:

Me: “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Her: (turns away), “Nothing.”

Ladies we f—king hate that.

John Mulaney agrees re: dating jewish women, for example. This goyem here agrees, and thinks our jewish sisters are on to something that the rest of us should take on!

Oh my god you have no idea of the happy daze I walked in after I realized that the SNGal (a shiksa, but no matter)  was the most sane individual I had ever had the pleasure of dating. Ladies, your relationship stock will SKY-ROCKET in your late 20’s (right when you should be thinking about long-term prospects anyway, how about that?) and attract the right man for you who will appreciate it.

If you are NOT sane…I can’t help you. But if you are sane, and you are reading this, oh my lord, if you knowingly marry a crazy person, I will personally come to your house and throw you into a volcano. I’ll be doing you a favor. It’ll be less painful and heaven awaits.

They don’t go through your phone assuming that you cheated on them because their last 3 boyfriends cheated on them and therefor you will too. They trust you. They know that if you cheat on them, that’s not a reflection of them.

They don’t isolate you from your friends and family.

Everything is not, “a fight,” if there is disagreement.

If you want to go home instead of stay at their apartment, they don’t threaten to kill you or boil your bunny.

They don’t actually try to kill you.

Yeah, that last one is pretty important.

So, to sum up, never settle for anyone who isn’t attractive, doesn’t share crucial values, isn’t smart, nice, and sane. You must have all five, especially the last part.

And this is all about them. What about YOU?

We’ll get to that.

JER

ONE LAST THING: 

I use my marriage as an example because, for no other reason, so far, so good. Married for 4, together for 7 and change, we both understand that there is no resting on laurels in a relationship. Beyond the amount of time that has passed since November 18, 2010, I have no idea what I’m talking about. I do not mean to suggest otherwise.  

Every day is a choice to make. Every moment is one to improve upon the last. As we go forward every day, I don’t win, she doesn’t win, the marriage wins.

#398: You Don’t Have Problems, You have Challenges

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On Sunday, my beloved Philadelphia Eagles lost their quarterback for the season when Carson Wentz tore his ACL. Good news; we’re not done by any stretch, and I have some more thoughts for my son about perseverance in the face of adversity. Enjoy!

#391: How to Avoid Annoying People at Bars

http://www.dcclubbing.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/pickup.jpgTonight, I spend the first 15 minutes explaining how to get rid of annoying people who mistake your polite smile for life-long friendship. Then, I ramble a bit about the end of an era. After that, I answer some wacky Quora questions. I also have some fun with people who look like the tattoo monster puked all over them. Enjoy!

#389: Harvey Weinstein and Absolute Power

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He’s not sorry for what he’s done. He’s sorry because he got caught. You can’t turn a cake into a pizza.

Good evening! Tonight, I wax poetic about:

  • Dating advice about how you should leave your ex’s alone unless you know exactly what you want from them
  • Why we lose interest in people
  • Quick thoughts on, “Blade Runner 2049.”
  • And most of all, Harvey f—king Weinstein, his crew of enablers, and what it means to be truly brave

Enjoy!